bitter. where's the sweet?

So if you're about to go sing a song of praise to God at church, but you get there and suddenly remember that your friend is mad at you, stop! Leave church, go find your friend, reconcile with him or her, then go sing a song of praise to God at church.

It's more important. Even Jesus thinks so.

Hold On, Please Hold On

Scenario:

A 3 year old boy is at the zoo and decides that he's going to do what he wants, when he wants. He doesn't need you anymore; you just limit him and impose pointless rules on his life (or so he says). When you try leading him, he kicks and screams until your heart breaks and you reluctantly give him what he wants: his "freedom."

So now what? The boy has fun for an hour or so. He loves not being accountable for anything. But can those monkeys really make him laugh for more than a few minutes? Do the lions really infuse a sense of awe for more than a couple moments? Is the clown fish really all that funny?

He finds himself lost, lonely, and worst of all... unsatisfied. No matter what he does, he hates being alone. He hates that you're not with him.

Dear boy, why did you ever want to let go?

Family

Yes. I love my parents and my sister. I love my home church. I love my Intervarsity community. But our God is not limited to a household, a church, or a campus fellowship. Certainly, His family is not limited to any boundaries that man can devise. His family does not consist solely of a working dad, a stay-at-home mom, and two and a half children. On the contrary, His family is huge!

So I move to Texas for the summer, and I immediately have family here. It's incredible. I love them dearly.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

"people are disappointing"

it's a refrain i seem to hear whenever one of my friendships starts growing. i often wonder if it's because i have accumulated unrealistic expectations. but then again, what's a growing friendship without growing expectations? i'd like to say that i don't feel as if i "deserve" what i expect. what does a broke sinner ever deserve? but, honestly, i do feel as if i deserve "better."

ok, so then i wonder... what if i'm wrong? what if i'm the problem? what if the friend didn't actually sin against me, but in my mind... things are just being blown magnitudes out of proportion. well that's when a good conversation comes in handy (and "good" doesn't necessarily mean "easy" or "happy").

talking is good because, while God knows our hearts, we don't know each others'.

as an aside, i wonder how often i disappoint others... i hope they tell me when i do. it sure is one of the hardest things to hear though (at least for me).

Burn Out Bright

shamelessly for Christ (Our Yoke is Easy)

Influenced by Patrick, I took a picture on my cell phone (and made it my background picture) of three girls who decided to let people smash raw eggs on their heads to raise money for their trip to Malawi, Africa this summer.

Quite a while back, I made my cell phone banner say "shamelessly for Christ" to remind myself that I should never let a fear of shame get in the way of God's Kingdom.

I thought it was apropos. Good job, sisters.

Dan Barker does not exist

Dan Barker once preached Jesus.

Now Dan Barker does not preach Jesus.

Therefore, Dan Barker does not exist.

-James White

I wonder what it must be like to dedicate your life against something: against God and Christianity. Maybe dedicating your life against something is similar to the "Christians" who are known only for being anti-homosexuality, anti-abortion, and anti-Harry Potter. 

Dan Barker is currently a co-president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation. He's written a couple books on his transformation from being "an evangelical preacher" (for 19 years) to "one of America's leading Atheists" (that's Atheist with a capital A).

My heart rends for Christ's influence in America. What has living and praying "in Jesus' name" become? It's possible to live "for Jesus" for nineteen years and magically turn away because you read some books? Where was your faith rooted?

Dan Barker, I will pray for you and your anti-ministry.

(and, apologies to the reader; I made a couple references that you may not understand unless you went to the debate last Thursday. you can ask me about them though. I'd be happy to explain)

Nebuchadnezzar's an Idiot

So Daniel interpreted King Nebuchadnezzar's dream. As a response, Nebuchadnezzar "fell prostrate before Daniel" and proclaimed, "Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries."

Next, the king makes an image of gold "ninety feet high and nine feet wide." He declares that as soon as anyone hears any kind of music, they "must fall down and worship the image of gold" that he set up. Daniel's friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refuse to worship his idol and are promptly thrown into a fire so hot that the men who threw them in burned to death. By God's power, they three friends remain un-barbequed.

The king then cries out, "Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego." He makes a decree "that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble."

ok... (and that's just the first three chapters)

to be continued

Yup. Whether all seems right or a preserved piranha eats your peeps, life will just keep swimming.

En Gedi

Oasis. I've got one. It's safe. It's comfortable. It's "mine."

It currently happens to be the bottom of a dorm bunk bed with a memory foam mattress pad and pillow, down comforter, one of those beady squishy pillows, two other pillows, a sheet which turns my bottom bunk into a tent of sorts, and a stuffed rhino from the Kohl's Cares for Kids shelf named Gustav. There's a bendy blue lamp clipped to the wooden headboard, a turtle-shaped snowflake above the headboard, some bars from the bed above me which are utilized for flipping myself, a red radiator to the left that makes loud metallic clanging noises when it turns on (and gets WAY too hot), really ugly drapes also to the left, and finally...a shelf with my camera and a big red cowbell that says "Bell Diablo" at the end.

I wonder though, what's En Gedi going to look like when I'm an adult? Will I have my own house with a wife and kids? Will I live in a small one bedroom apartment with leaky pipes and no wireless? How about a house with 5 other guys? Africa? Where will my place of comfort be?

Honestly, I really like that first option. I'm willing to do whatever God says, but I do daydream of a time when I can love my wife as Christ loves the church and invest in my children with all the wisdom and energy our Father invests into us.

I don't know what the fates have prepared for me... but, are we there yet?

Acting on AIDS

Describe your desire to be involved in Acting on AIDS
A wise man once told a Foellinger Hall full of students, “When you hear what He says, do what He says.” Although I can’t say I have an ignited heart drenched in kerosene for this club and what it stands for, I can say that I feel a certain steady nudge towards becoming more involved. Since praying specifically for “eyes that might see and ears that might hear” the past couple weeks, I have discerned (hopefully correctly) that the certain steady nudge is from God. Well, I heard it; I better do what it says.

Describe your beliefs in reference to Acting on AIDS
Our God cares about us more than a human mind could ever fathom. Jesus took upon Himself all suffering, all injustice, so that we might have a chance to encounter God’s love. Although death has been conquered, the Kingdom of God has not yet become fully realized. This earth is still broken, and it is our privilege as Christ followers to do something about it. Acting on AIDS does something about it.

Describe why your specific skills might be helpful in the position you wish to attain
I have no special skills that might be helpful as Advocacy Chair. I do, however, have the God-given ability to read, speak, and love people. There is also in me a great desire to learn and serve. I offer all I am to Christ and am ready to follow Him in His work through Acting on AIDS.

instead of a show - jon foreman

swing

sometimes life throws an unexpected twist at you. maybe you even saw it coming... but the twist still isn't good. David cries out in Psalm 22 Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Jesus echoes this prayer while he is being tortured to death for sins he did not commit.

so how do we respond? when all in our world is just... painful. what do we do? well very frequently, we sit. we're "waiting on the world to change" (as John Mayer melodically shares with us). and it's comfy - especially in our affluent culture where generic La-Z-Boy's are almost ubiquitous. and yes, a time of mourning and lamenting is always appropriate. if we don't take that time, we never give God the opportunity to heal us.

but what if we keep sitting? how many times does God need to "heal" us before we realize He wants us to get moving?

i think that there always comes a point in time when we must trade in our couch for a swing. when the time to grieve is over and the time to move has arrived. it's hard to trade seats. it's hard to go from a safe, comfy seat that requires nothing of us to a dangerous, dirty, rubber seat that won't function unless we put some work into it. it's hard, but it's worth it. it's actually fairly simple (stand up, go outside, take a walk, find a swing, sit, move your legs back and forth), but not easy.

so why swing? because the easy, comfortable life is never worth living - all things worth having require work. because a little bit of turbulence in our lives makes us stronger. because the longer we stay inside, the less of an impact we can make on this world. do you think you're suffering needlessly? take what you learn and DO something with it.

why swing? because sometimes when you swing, you get to say "i'm happy."

anyway, swings are more fun :-p

all creation cries...

resurrection. forest fires, butterflies, and magnolias all seem to die, only to come back again.

some trees grow to a certain height at which lightning strikes and causes destruction. but if there was never the fire, the seeds would never have the chance to grow (for many reasons i won't get into here).

caterpillars go from a moving being into one who cocoons up and seems dead... for a while. magically (and majestically), a triumphant and beautiful butterfly springs out of this dead shell and flies freely (something the caterpillar never got to do). 

magnolias look ugly for 11 months out of the year. seriously, they're these decrepid looking branches sticking out of the ground. but without disappointing, every year they bless us with their hot to soft pink flowers. i look at the magnolia flowers and i see jesus.

now, please don't take this to mean i think the lifecycle of a magnolia tree is a perfect metaphor for christ's death and resurrection. my only point (a simple point) is that if you look at creation, you will see it screaming RESURRECTION. it's as if all these little things are hinting at jesus. God's creation is a tiny glimpse of what His Kingdom is like. it's... kind of awesome.

where's the wrath? i want it.

justice. we want it because this world sucks sometimes. we have an innate sense of what consequences are deserved when bad people do bad things. but here's what i'm feeling now:

i deserve the wrath. i deserve it so much.. that i just WANT it to happen. i want it to happen so i can feel.... better. so i can feel as if i got what i deserved and can finally move on.

but that's not what happened. i received... grace. huh? i don't deserve it, and i don't even want it because it's not what i deserve. i know what i deserve. people should be yelling at me. God should be abandoning me. THAT'S what would make me feel better.

but that's not what God wants for me. even if i "want" it, that's not what God wants for me. even if i want it... that's not what God has in store for me. He throws grace at me even when i'm running away from it.

good thing our Jesus is good. (even if he's not safe, hehe)

speak+

I had the great pleasure of meeting Steve Haas, Vice President and Chief Catalyst of World Vision, before he spoke at All Campus Worship at U of I this past Thursday. Amongst other things, he answered questions about what World Vision is doing in our world today. It was incredibly encouraging to hear stories of God's Kingdom at work in the places this world needs it most (I suppose where those places are is debatable). 

He was asked a question about what World Vision does in countries that do not allow the Gospel to be preached. He responded by sharing a list of four things necessary to witness and show Christ's love: words, life, deeds, and Spirit. If you cannot use words... use your life, use your deeds, and let God's Spirit work.

During his speech at All Campus, he said that we could talk about social actions all night long (which we did not), but it's actually quite simple: "When you hear what He says, DO what He says." There are many sheep, but only one Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd knows His sheep. The sheep know the Shepherd's voice and follow it.

When you hear what He says. DO what He says.

I think that if we all listened and followed, we would never need talks about social justice again.

it's simple: When you hear what He says. DO what He says.

bayern stube

i'm glad we're not all the same. i think that people who say "we're all the same, and therefore should be treated the same" have good intentions, but are missing one of the greatest beauties God has blessed us with: culture (and with that... food!)

i had a rahmschnitzel with spaetzle and potato pancakes. i also got to try german potato salad, some noodle-y dish, and real sauerkraut (as opposed to dining hall "sauerkraut"). it was my first time having real german food, and it was wonderful.

last semester, some of us went to chinatown on a spur-of-the-moment decision. christine and i made our friends try real chinese food (including jellyfish). it was the first time some people ever had mushrooms and tofu too.

life would be soooo boring if all we ever ate were hambugers, hot dogs, and pizza...

think much?

The mind is incredible. Thinking about thinking makes me ever more believe that there must be a Creator. How can this all just be an accident?

Language, community, technology... all of the above exist because we have this one complicated, mysterious organ in our head that grants us the ability to think.. to feel.. and to love. Isn't it weird how protons, neutrons, and electrons (and quarks?) form atoms, which make up neurons, which send electrochemical signals and neurotransmitters to other neurons, and after a large magnitude of other processes... we can love?

I will never fully understand love, nor will I ever fully understand how it's possible for us to love and be loved. I will, however, enjoy this thing called the mind, and worship the fully-loving and intelligent Creator of it.

signs

In high school literature classes, we're taught to look for symbolism in the works we read. I really enjoyed that. I thus started looking for symbolism (and foreshadowing) in my own life. In other words, I wondered if certain things that happened in my days were signs from God. 

Example? Getting a fortune cookie that says "Now is the time to pursue that love interest!" soon after having dinner with a girl.

What have I learned since then? While I truly believe that our God is alive and intimitely involved with this world, it's probably not healthy to read too much into things that happen.

DO WALK

Sometimes, you just want to sit. And sometimes sitting is good, although I'm not going to talk about those times. Things get in the way of progress... and you just want to sit. So what do we do? Do we let our obstacles scare us into submission? Do we let the demons of the past and present control our lives? Has the world tricked us into enjoying the act of sitting when really, we should be standing, crawling, or running? Sometimes, sitting isn't good enough.

Jesus faced a lot of obstacles. People were mean and tried everything in their "power" to stop him. What would Jesus do in your situation? I don't know. What did he do in his? He walked quite a bit.

So, please, do walk. If you stop walking, you'll never get to the place you were meant to be.

friends, romans, or countrymen?

About those romans... have you ever watched Gladiator? It's probably one of my favorite movies; I think it's very well done. The movie has, however, always disturbed me a bit. Look at all those people cheering on pain and death! How barbaric! Good thing we're more civilised these days... *cough cough* (don't those girls behind the glass look concerned?)

aesthetically pleasing

i once met a biology major at dinner who told me that God doesn't exist because the human body is very inefficient. i think that in order to "judge" someone's work, we must look at the intent of the creator. i could be wrong, but i don't think God set out to make the most efficient and purely functional beings ever. i think he wanted to create works of art (i also think he succeeded). after all, if everything was always "perfect" and only existed to serve a distinct purpose... wouldn't life be really dull?

Marry Me

kids

oh kiana... i'll miss you and the other kids when i go back to school.

jasmine (the dog, not the tea)

oh jasmine...

i used to think you were really ugly and wondered how the wongs thought you were cute. i'll admit though, you've definitely grown on me.

happy sweet 16 =]

first blood

first picture taken on my new camera. many more to come. i guess you could say i'm embarking on a new adventure into the heights of photography. 

why? because i want to "steal" glimpses of the beauty God created. because i want to share those glimpses with others. and because through it all, i want our LORD to be glorified.

the beginning?

mm.. creating this blog is heavily wenny-inspired (and partly insomnia-inspired). I actually enjoy reading hers. in fact, the title of this page is partially in response to her blogspot title. nobody knows about this page yet...

oh, and about the name? i'm drinking some camomile tea now.